


After

by BuildingCastles



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies), The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-05-30 05:54:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6411511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuildingCastles/pseuds/BuildingCastles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After something terrible happened five years ago, Beca hasn't spoken to any of the Bella's.<br/>Until now.</p><p>Starting from chapter 3: the cross-over I've been waiting for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You've got mail

“A Macchiato please”, on a peaceful Saturday Beca Mitchell entered her favorite coffee shop in L.A., a rustic old Italian place where they served the best coffee in town – that is if you asked her. She’d been coming here for the last five years and the baristas had never let her down. Neither had their customers, who always left her alone so she could work without any distraction. “Thanks”, Beca grabbed her cup and went to her usual table in the corner. There she opened her laptop, connected her headphones and she was ready to start her work day. In theory she only worked during the week, but she had this big deadline coming up in two days and there still were some adjustments she wanted to make on this set. Plus she didn’t mind working in the weekends. It was not like she’d something better to do anyway.

Ever since she’d moved to L.A. Beca had become her old, introvert self again. Without the Bella’s she’d no reason to leave her apartment except for work and the grocery store. She hadn’t made any new friends, nor did she want to. Not after what happened five years ago. Social contact had become a rare concept, once a year with Thanksgiving she saw her mom and with Christmas it was her fathers’ turn. That was it. She thought it more than sufficient. So her life was pretty boring with all work and no play.  But Beca didn’t mind. She was okay with the ways things were going. She was actually in pole position to score a huge promotion by the end of the month. Hence she really wanted to make this set mind-blowing. But first she had to check her mailbox.

Seven years had passed since she’d graduated from Barden, five years since she’d last spoken to any of the Bellas, nevertheless when she opened her mailbox, Beca found an invitation to a Bella Reunion.

Bam, there it was. It felt like the world stopped spinning.

The cup of coffee slipped out of Beca’s hand, but she didn’t even notice it. She just sat there. Shocked. For a moment, the only thing that existed in the world of Beca Mitchell was that email.

Until her thoughts were interrupted by a barista who – as she noticed now – was cleaning up the mess she made. “Are you all right miss? Want a new cup?” “Ow eh… yeah would be nice”, she stumbled. Beca was astonished she could even produce a decent sentence at this moment.

Wow. She had not expected that.

Of course, she kind of always had known that sooner or later anyone would want to organize a reunion. But that didn’t mean she was prepared. Quite the opposite actually.

She was staring at her screen for a while and her mind was going in so many directions. Though one thought, one image came out the strongest: Chloe Baele’s enchanting smile. And it hurt her so much. Unconsciously her fingers stroke over her neck tattoo. 

Tears welled up in Beca’s eyes, she couldn’t care that she started crying in a public place. She didn’t even try to smile when the barista put her coffee down. Beca just hoped he would walk away without questioning her or giving her pity. Which he luckily did. Now she knew again why this was her favorite spot in town. After a while, Beca wept her face, took a deep breath and started reading the whole mail.

 

_Hey girlssssss,_

_It has been ages since we last saw each other! And that hurts my poor Bella heart! I miss you guys! And I know you do to! So when I saw Cynthia Rose yesterday, we decided it is time for an OFFICIAL BELLA REUNION. Save the date, next month, Saturday November 12 at 7 p.m. at my place, Walnut Street 32 Cincinnati. I’ll make sure y’all have a great time and comfortable place to sleep._

_No escape possible! Everyone who dares to skip this will be haunted forever!_

 

_Love,_

_Stacie_

_P.S. seriously Beca Mitchell I know where you live, so if you refuse to come, we’ll all be at your door by November 13._

 

Beca knew Stacie wasn’t kidding. She totally would come to her apartment if she missed this reunion. Hence she had no choice.

She took a sip from her coffee, mmm… one thing in the world she could still count on: the wonderful taste of Macchiatos.

No, she shouldn’t overreact. It was just a little reunion of a bunch of girls who used to sing together. Not that big of a deal. Though it felt like it was. All those years Beca had tried not to think about those blissful Barden years, but now the memories were all coming back. It was way too painful.

Not that she’d ever mastered avoiding thinking about the Barden Bella’s, about Chloe. She’d had plenty of nights were she’d cried herself to sleep with those images on her mind. In the beginning Beca thought it was only temporary but after a while she’d given up on that thought and started to push away her feelings. Nonetheless, reading about them at an unprotected moment ripped her heart open once again.

Desperately in need for something to make her feel better, she searched her laptop for a cheerful mash-up, though she knew she wouldn’t find one. Nothing was strong enough to take away the pain that filled her heart.

The pain she’d been trying to store away for five years.


	2. Reunion

November 12, 7.15 p.m., a cap dropped Beca at Stacie’s place. Now there was no way back. She was prepared and ready to face her former friends. Beca hoped she would make it through the evening with fake smiles and pretended interest in their urban lives.

“Ding dong”, within ten seconds Stacie opened the door: “Beca, there you are!” and she almost suffocated her in a hug. “Come in, the others are already here.” After a lot of hugs and shouts, even from Beca herself when she saw Flo was pregnant, Beca sat down in a chair next to Stacie.

For a while they just chitchatted about their lives, Beca didn’t talk that much and nobody seemed to care, after all, there were ten other girls in the room to fill up the silence. Which Fat Amy generously did.

But then they reached the inevitable topic: Chloe Baele. Everybody had been feeling her absence. The group just wasn’t complete without her. “You know, Chloe would have loved to see us all together after all those years”, said Aubrey with a dreamy glance in her eyes. “She would be so glad we all stayed friends.” Beca felt that people were starting to look at her, to check what her reaction would be. She stayed stoical though. She had prepared herself for this conversation over the last month.

“I still can’t believe she’s dead”, said Fat Amy “she was always so full of joy and life.” “Yeah she had so much to offer to the world”… They went on like that for a while until Aubrey started sobbing “I’m sorry guys, it’s just she was my best friend you know…”

Beca couldn’t stand this any longer, tears were already rolling over her face. She had to get out of here.

Talking about Chloe was one thing, talking about her death was, well even worse.

Stacie’s living room faded and she was back at the night Chloe died. It was the brightest memory in Beca’s mind, the only thing she could think of when she closed her eyes.

 

They had been dating for almost 2 years, when on a stormy night in September Chloe was on her way to Beca’s apartment. She lived only three blocks away, so she should be there soon. In a few weeks it would get even better since Chloe had found a job and an apartment in Los Angeles, so Beca could finally move to L.A. to become a producer. And she was about to live with the love of her life. The future couldn’t be any better for Beca Mitchell. While waiting for Chloe to arrive, Beca lit some candles and set the table. She caught herself whistling a cheerful song “Damn Chloe, you’re changing me!” Because Chloe was late, which she never was, Beca got a bit worried and called her phone, no response. Twenty minutes later she tried again, still no answer. Now she was getting really antsy, so she decided to drive to Chloe’s and see what the matter was.

Thus Beca went outside, into the storm, got in her car, entered the street, took a turn and there she saw her. Chloe had been hit by a car and her body just laid there, lifeless on the sidewalk.

Despite everything, Beca smiled. Of course she’d come by foot, no matter how hard it might rain, Chloe Baele would not screw up the environment for three blocks.

Then it hit her, hard.

She stopped her car in the middle of the road, ran over to Chloe and fell down, crying. She knew she shouldn’t get her hopes up, but still she wished to feel a pulse. Unfortunately she had no luck. When she dialed 911, they asked her to explain what happened but she just couldn’t say it out loud. She never would.

She screamed her lungs out, she couldn’t bare so much agony. By the time the ambulance came, Beca was completely empty and unable to speak.

 

“Beca?” Amy’s voice brought her back to the reality. Beca looked up and saw nine pair of eyes resting on her. She was glad no one was asking her anything. Still she wanted to say something, according to her breaking into tears at a dinner party deserved some explanation: “I… I just feel so guilty for her death. She was on her way to my place you know and… and if I’d get out there sooner she might’ve survived…” More tears, but all the former Bellas were crying now. She’d never told anyone about this before and actually, it felt great to have it from her chest. “Oh Beca,” she felt Stacie’s consoling hand on her shoulder, “it was not your fault! You couldn’t have done anything to save her.” Beca wanted to counter this but her sobs prevented her from doing so. “You shouldn’t feel guilty about something like that”, said Aubrey, “it was just… the person who was driving that car is the only one to blame here.” Beca looked into Aubrey’s eyes and saw she meant it.

She wanted to respond but suddenly she was caught in a Bella group hug.

“You weirdo’s, let’s get back to the small talk shall we?” and there it was, Beca’s first sincere smile in five years, two months and twenty-three days.


	3. Nice to meet you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Emily's wedding, of course Beca hates it there, until she meets this girl...

Beca stayed in touch with most of the Bella’s after their reunion. Well, more like, they all kept texting her and – unlike 5 years ago – she responded.  

That’s why Beca wasn’t as surprised as four months ago when she found an invitation from a former Barden Bella in her mailbox. It was Emily’s, she and Benji were getting married. Beca wondered whether he’d finally found the courage to ask her or if she had been the one to get down on one knee.

Six weeks later, at the wedding. Beca was pretty fond of herself. First off, she’d managed to find a dress she didn’t disgust. Secondly, she’d thus far succeeded in avoiding any conversation with someone other than the Bella’s. And thirdly, she’d come up with the best wedding gift ever: a Bella-performance. She’d produced a set with a few marriage themed songs and sent video instructions to their former team members. Everybody seemed really excited with the idea to once again sing together.

Now their time to shine had arrived. Beca was kind of curious about how it would all go down after all those years. And she started to worry when she noticed how much Fat Amy and Jessica were drinking, she hoped so hard they wouldn’t screw up their lines.

Luckily that didn’t happen and it actually went pretty great. Beca saw how the others were having a blast of a time, and how much Emily was enjoying their surprise. She wished she could say the same about herself. But every time she turned around, it was like she was staring into an empty hole. Without Chloe at her side, performing wasn’t the same. The Bella Sound was different.

After their performance, Beca went straight to the bar. She needed some booze to get rid of the sadness which was once again taking over. She didn’t even care to walk away and just dropped down in a seat at the bar, hoping no one would come over and talk to her.

“Hey, aren’t you one of those singing ladies?” Yikes, why could nothing ever go the way she wanted it. Beca looked up to see who was disturbing her, ready to give her a glance of her famous bitch face, when her jaw dropped. A stunning blonde twenty-something had taken up the seat next to her. Well she was worth an answer: “Yep, that’s me, one of those a-cappella girls.” “Oh that’s how you call it, yeah it’s not really my thing you see.” Beca liked how straight forward this woman was, and she had to admit a-cappella might be a little strange. “I guess you’re also tired of all those happy feels people are spreading tonight?” the other woman asked her. “Well yeah, that’s why I preferred this quiet corner.” “Oh you want me to leave you alone?” “No, it’s fine. You seem to share my opinion on weddings. It’s Beca by the way.” “Clarke Griffin, used to live next to Benji when we were kids.” “Was he always such a weirdo?” the girl, Clarke, smirked, “Worse.”

They ordered some more drinks and talked for a while. For the first time in forever Beca felt she might be making a new friend.

Clarke’s phone rang. When she swiped to ignore the caller with the intriguing name of ‘Bellamy’, Beca caught a glimpse of her screensaver. It was a picture of Clarke, kissing this gorgeous woman with a lot of eye shadow, but like really a lot, even Beca Mitchell was honestly impressed: “I like your girlfriend’s makeup.” Clarke grinned, “Me too”, she hesitated for a while before she continued: “but she… Lexa’s no longer my girlfriend, she died last year.” Gosh, Beca wasn’t expecting this, no wonder Clarke had come to the bar, Beca could barely come out of her bed the year after Chloe passed away, let alone attend weddings. “I’m so sorry dude.” Beca raised her glass, so did Clarke: “to Lexa”, she said with so much grief it made tears come up to Beca’s eyes.

“We met in Afghanistan”, Clarke went on, “she was the Commander and I was a military doctor.” Beca could see Clarke was actually glad she’d found someone to talk to. Beca didn’t mind listening, she never was much of a talker, certainly not concerning heavy emotional topics. “I quit the army after Lexa got shot and died in my arms.” Clarke wiped away some tears, “she was such a brilliant woman. I’ve never met anyone who’s half as smart as she was. And she was such a badass, or at least that’s what she’d want you to believe.” She smirked at that thought, “The one moment she could act stone cold, but when we would be alone a few minutes later, she was just such a cinnamon roll. A super-hot cinnamon roll.” Clarke went through her phone to show Beca some pictures of Lexa and told her the stories around them. How they’d once been attacked by a troop of wolves, how the Taliban had set up a trap and nearly burned their camp to the ground, how Lexa had fought and won man-on-man fights... Beca was genuinely interested in all of them and soon she was asking her not only about the war, but also more personal questions. She was really starting to like Clarke and the sound of her voice.

“How about you?” Clarke asked after a while, “isn’t there someone in your life to drag along to weddings?” Beca swallowed, she wished they could keep talking about the other woman’s life, but sadly that’s not how conversations worked. “No, the thing is, there was Chloe”, it felt weird to say her name out loud to a stranger, “my girlfriend, she also passed away, five years ago.” Clarke touched her arm consolingly, “Oh Beca, sorry I asked,” “Nah, don’t be, you’ve also told me about Lexa.” She took a deep breath before she told her what a fantastic weirdo Chloe had been and a short version of the day she died. Beca hadn’t told this story to anyone except for the cops and her father. And that was five years ago. Once she was finished, they both were crying their hearts out, drowning in agony about their lost loved ones. “Well, at least we can sob together now.” They both laughed and emptied their glasses.

They went back to the looser talk. They chatted about their jobs, the series they were hooked up on, the other guests at the party... When Beca started to yawn, Clarke took a look at her wrist-watch, it was 3.10 a.m., “Oh gosh I had no idea it was running so late”, she said “I’ve to get up early tomorrow to catch my flight.” “I’m sorry I’ve taken up so much of your time.” “Don’t be Beca, it felt so good talking to you.” “Same, my intention was to just get drunk and try to forget I even went here, but I’m glad that turned out differently.” They both stood up and hugged, “May we meet again”, said Clarke. “Soon”, was Beca’s response. While Clarke was walking away, Beca turned around to go check on her friends. Maybe she would even dance.


	4. Changes

Beca was drowning in work. She’d achieved the promotion she so desperately had wanted, so now she’d to proof she was actually worth it. And since she’d missed three days by going to Emily’s wedding, it was becoming a bit of a challenge. She didn’t mind though, work was a welcome distraction. Cause ever since the wedding Chloe was no longer the only girl preoccupying Beca’s head. She didn’t really know what to think about this whole situation, it was not like she actually knew this woman. It was just… they’d had this connection, something Beca hadn’t felt in ages. Maybe it was because they understood each other’s pain. Or maybe it was the alcohol speaking. Anyway, it didn’t matter, at least not for now, she had work to do.

“Mitchell, don’t forget to close when you leave”, and with that her last co-worker walked out, it was 9.30 p.m., they were supposed to end their working day at 6… But yeah, extraordinary circumstances... Almost three hours later, Beca finally wrapped up too. She’d achieved some results she could be content with. Probably not the best work she’d ever done, but it would be just fine. After tomorrow night, she would be back on track. Her boss could be proud of her, and well maybe award her by no longer bothering her with his boring happy-family-stories.

When she dimmed the lights, she felt her phone buzz. Beca had no idea who would call her this late, in fact, no one ever called her. She figured it would be her boss to check in on her, but when she looked at her screen, she saw an unknown number pop up. Curious, she picked up: “Beca Mitchell”, “Hey Beca!” that voice, she hadn’t noticed how much she was starting to love it, “it’s Clarke Griffin, we met at –,” “Yeah I know who you are Clarke”, Beca smiled, how could she even think she wouldn’t remember her? “Oh, right ehm sorry for calling this late, I thought you’d be asleep and I could just leave a voicemail.” “Nah, I didn’t finish work until now, so perfect timing. How did you get my number by the way? Oh wait. Emily of course.” “Correct, she seemed really surprised anyone would want your number.” She could hear Clarke laugh, but Beca couldn’t actually blame Emily for that. “So ehm why I’m calling, I have a job interview in L.A. tomorrow and well… I ehm thought we could like have dinner or so.” Beca was taken by surprise. So much that she even forgot Clarke was expecting an answer. “Unless you don’t want to of course…” “Oh no, I’m sorry… I love the idea.” “Great.” “Tell me where and when I can pick you up and I’ll be there.”

Beca stood in front of her closet, wondering what to wear. This was so not her. But neither was her agenda for today. She wondered why Clarke would take an interview in L.A., given that she lived somewhere in the north, Montana she thought. Although she wasn’t exactly sure about it anymore. After hesitating another ten minutes, Beca picked out a simple plaid shirt and some tight jeans, of which Chloe always used to say that they made her ass look great. She felt like that might come in handy today.

She was running late for work. “Thanks Griffin”, she grumbled. On her way out, Beca quickly grabbed an apple for breakfast. That should be sufficient to get her through the morning. Once she’d taken place behind the steering wheel of her Ford, Beca noticed she’d forgotten her phone. Thus she ran back to her apartment, swearing all the while. This girl was seriously messing with her head. And her schedule.

As expected Beca arrived late. Also as expected, her boss wasn’t happy about it. Luckily he sheered up when he saw what she’d produced the night before. And without any further ado she made it through the day.

Contrary to yesterday, Beca left at 6 p.m. sharp, heading for the hospital where Clarke’s interview must be finished by now. When she arrived, Clarke was already standing at the parking lot, wearing a black leather jacket and a pair of jeans which made HER ass look great. Beca caught herself staring at Clarke’s body and blushed. Clarke’s face brightened when she noticed Beca’s car and she happily waved at her. “Beca!” as she pulled over, Clarke smoothly got in, “thank you so much for meeting up!” Beca grinned, as if it were a shore! “Hey Clarke, you’re welcome.” “No seriously, it’s really nice of you, I mean normally –““Whoa, slow down”, she smiled at her, checking whether she was insulted to be interrupted, which luckily wasn’t the case, so Beca winked and asked: “First tell me: are you so excited to see me or because of how the interview went?” Clarke’s eyes started twinkling and her smile broadened: “Both Beca! They told me I can start next week!” “Holy shit dude, that’s fucking amazing!” “I know right?” “And are you taking the job?” Beca asked, as she was parking her car at the Indian restaurant she’d chosen. “Well, it’s a great opportunity and all”, Beca sensed a ‘but’ was coming, though before Clarke could finish her sentence, she interrupted her: “It’s here.” “Oh well that was quick”, as they both walked toward the restaurant, their topic changed to Indian food. Though of course they didn’t forget what they were talking about before, and once the drinks was served, Beca switched the conversation back to more serious business: “So Los Angeles ha?”

“I wanted a fresh start, far away from my mom and friends, who seem not to be able to think about anything but the loss of my girlfriend when they look at me.” Beca nodded, she’d felt the same way at the Bella Reunion. Everybody had been extra polite and way too sensitive around her, handling her with so much care. They had looked and talked to her with so much compassion that Beca had wanted to stand up and scream that she was perfectly fine. Yes, she’d lost Chloe, but talking to her like she might have a mental breakdown at any moment wasn’t going to bring her back.

“I thought that moving away might help me to process Lexa’s death.” As Clarke took another sip of her beer, she continued: “Only I hadn’t expect things to be moving this fast. Bellamy, my best friend, will probably want to kill me if he hears there’s no time to throw me a party.” Clarke grinned, “Though I’m pretty sure he and his sister won’t let me leave without one.” Beca laughed, “Well they sound exactly like my friends. I intentionally didn’t tell anyone when I was moving to avoid such situations.” “Bah, I don’t mind, a good party can be an awesome distraction.” It could, and as Beca thought about it, she wondered when it had been the last time she’d attended one. Probably before Chloe had passed away… “Hmm yeah, if you need any distraction once you’ve moved to L.A. I’ll be happy to join you.” “That’s a deal!” Beca smiled, had they just made plans for another date night? Cause with the candles, the soft music and the silly smirk on Clarke’s face, that was exactly how this felt. Like a date.

The food arrived and they changed their conversation to more casual topics. By the time the dessert came, Beca was convinced Clarke knew more about her than any of her friends or family.

Since Beca was driving, she hadn’t touched any alcohol, but Clarke was widely compensating. She was such an adorable drunk and the beer really seemed to loosen her up. While she bluntly opened up about the people she’d been with in college and shared a lot of awkward stories, Beca hoped Clarke wouldn’t regret her honesty the next morning.

After Beca had won the discussing on who might pay the bill, promising she would let Clarke pay next time – Beca’s heart had jumped up by the mentioning of a next time – she drove Clarke back to her hotel. “Thank you again for tonight”, Clarke said as she got out of the car. “The pleasure was all mine. Good n –,” “Oh wait!” a smirk appeared on her face, “I won’t be able to fall asleep, unless you give me the assurance that you’ll become my facebook friend.” Beca laughed and gladly promised her to accept her request. “Ha now I can go on with my life!” Beca wondered whether Clarke would remember any of this tomorrow and she responded smilingly: “Good night weirdo!” “You too Beca, see you soon!”

 


	5. Realization

Beca yawned as she headed for her third cup of coffee that morning, she had stayed up till 4 a.m. last night. Thanks to her desperate need to go through Clarke’s facebook, Instagram and twitter profile… An urge she’d justified by telling herself that since they’d no friends nor history in common, she needed to find another way to get to know the real Clarke.

At first she’d felt like an intriguer, as if she were invading her privacy. But then she’d reminded herself that it had been Clarke who’d sent her a friendship request, so she was probably doing the same. That’s how these things worked in this era right? Besides, everyone could completely control what they wanted to share on social media, so if there were things Clarke hadn’t want Beca to see, she wouldn’t find them by looking into her profile. Convinced by her own arguments, she’d typed in ‘Clarke Griffin’ and moments later a picture of her and Lexa was staring at her. Completely taken by surprise, shocked even, Beca had almost closed her laptop. In no way had she expected Clarke’s dead girlfriend to pop up on her profile picture. Though she’d no right of speaking, cause she hadn’t changed her own photo in almost 7 years. It was a picture Chloe had taken as she was working on a mix at Barden’s grass field, headphones on, back turned against the camera. They used to joke about how it captured Beca perfectly, sending out a clear ‘stay the hell away’-signal, but – as Chloe always added – still she didn’t show any sign of protest towards someone who came this close to take the picture.

Once she’d come over her initial shock, Beca had checked out all of Clarkes’ pictures. Astonishingly enough she almost never smiled. This was a different girl than the one Beca had come to known. The Clarke she’d met was all giggles and cheerful jokes. Looking at it now, Beca wondered whether she might’ve had something to do with it. This possibility immediately made her feel dizzy and as her face turned red she reminded herself that it probably had been the alcohol.

It had been nice to finally put a face to the name ‘Bellamy’ and according to some throwback pictures she’d come across, he and Clarke had been friends since fifth grade or so. Another face that had been turning up a lot on these pictures was that of a certain Raven Reyes. A girl so incredibly beautiful, Beca had been struck by jealousy. Which was only fueled when she’d looked her up to discover that she was not only extremely stunning, but also amazingly smart, being the youngest person ever to be accepted at NASA. Well at least it meant she was too busy to spend a lot of time with Clarke. That was a somewhat soothing thought. Ashamed of thinking these kind of things, Beca had finally decided to go to bed. Promising herself to not let her emotions take her down this road again.

Beca was having a really hard time trying to concentrate at work. All she could think of was Clarke and how badly she wanted to call her. Though she needed to remind herself that this was completely ridiculous since Beca Mitchell didn’t like calling people. In fact she didn’t even like people. Except when they were blue-eyed, always singing gingers.

But meeting Clarke had made her doubt herself. Everything was so confusing. Remembering that they’d only met twice made things even weirder.

She didn’t call that evening, nor did she hear any word from Clarke in the next days. But when she woke up Sunday morning, Beca decided it was time to break out of her comfort zone. She took a cold shower to gain some confidence, for some reasons showers tended to have this effect on her. Afterwards, she casted a last glance at Chloe’s picture which gave her the courage to pick up her phone an actually call Clarke.

Unless Clarke had changed her mind, she would start at her new job on Tuesday, so Beca figured she was probably moving today. Being Clarke’s only friend in L.A. gave her the ultimate opportunity to offer her some help installing.

“Hey Beca!” her heart jumped by the sound of so much enthusiasm, “Hey Clarke, how’re you doing?” “Great, actually, I just arrived back in L.A. and -,” “Oh so you decided to take the job?” she asked delighted. Beca hadn’t even noticed she’d been stressing so much about it until now, when she felt like she could finally breathe freely again. “Of course I did, couldn’t miss the opportunity to spend more time with my new best friend”, Beca felt her cheeks turn red, “Indeed I guess there was no way you could let that pass.”

“So have you already found an apartment?” “Nope, I’m currently staying at a hotel, extremely comfortable in a room stuffed with all my boxes. Thought I could go look for an apartment tomorrow.” “No plans for today?” “Nope, just wandering through my new hometown.” Beca felt like this was her moment to make a move: “Why don’t you come over to my place tonight and we have a dinner to celebrate your new beginning?” New beginning, why did she have to make everything sound so weird? But Clarke didn’t seem to care, since she immediately answered: “Awesome idea! Let me bring the wine!” Beca grinned, “Deal, make a good choice,” “Oh I will, as long as you promise not to poison me Mitchell!” “Hey don’t underestimate my cooking talent, why do people always do that?” Clarke laughed, “Oh insulted are you? Well it’s up to you to prove me wrong tonight!” “Bet I’ll succeed, see you at 6?” “You’ve actually made me really curious Beca, I’ll be there.”

Beca hadn’t been lying to Clarke when she said that people always tended to underestimate her cooking abilities. Living alone for more than six years, she’d had plenty of time to establish her culinary talent. After a lot of YouTube videos and a few disastrous meals, Beca was actually proud of what she could accomplish in the kitchen. Nevertheless no one ever believed her when she told them, which always made her wonder whether people thought that she’d been living from take-out food the last decade. Anyway, she knew that the best way to gain Clarke’s heart – which, she’d realized after hearing her that morning, was what she was after – was by cooking her a delicious meal. People always said that ‘love of a man goes through his stomach’, well leave it to Beca Mitchell to prove that the same counted for women. After all, the first time Chloe had kissed her, was when she’d made her a surprise birthday dinner in the year after their graduation. Beca had been so surprised to finally see her feelings answered that she hadn’t been able to speak except for a stumbling “Oh Chloe”. Even now thinking back at this evening made her cry her eyes out. It reminded her of how little time they’d had together and of how it could’ve been more if they hadn’t both been too stubborn to admit their love to one another. She would never be able to forgive herself for it and she’d sworn to never let it happen again.


	6. Dinner night

“But what should I do?” Beca was totally stressing out for her date later that night, so much that she’d been glad, relieved even, when Stacey had called her to catch up. “Shh let’s not freak out, this girl obviously likes you, so what’s the pressure?” “It’s just that I’ve never been in this situation before, whit Chloe it naturally developed from best friends to girlfriends without the awkwardness of dating. I don’t even know whether Clarke’s in to me…” “Beca, of course she is, no one else would want to spend a second night in a week alone with you.” “Thanks for the support, Stacey. Really helps giving me confidence.” “Hey just kidding, chillax Becs. #ItEvenRhymes” “Nope, I’m just gonna pretend I didn’t hear that…” She could hear Stacey’s contagious laughter through her phone and felt a lot of the weight slip of her shoulders, this girl was just the best in making you feel at ease. “Yeah but Stacey help me out, should I take Chloe’s pictures down? Cause it’s kind of weird to be on a date surrounded by photos of your deceased girlfriend, isn’t it? And what should I wear, I mean is it odd if I dress up when it’s just dinner at my place? And should I put on some music? Or would that send wrong signals? And how about candles? And –”, “Whoa whoa, slow down! Everything will be fine,” Beca didn’t feel like it would, but she wanted to believe her, so she listened. “You’ve come to the right person – well actually I’ve called you, but we’ll forget about that. First don’t hide Chloe’s pictures. You said you’ve already talked about her, well then this Clarke girl won’t expect anything else. As a fact it makes you look more vulnerable,” Beca wanted to interrupt and tell her she hated being vulnerable, but Stacey wouldn’t let her, “and thus attractive, so no don’t put them away. Next put on a nice dress, or something sexy”, “Of course you would say that, why did I even bother to ask?” “No seriously, I’m not saying you should come over and borrow one of mine, but don’t go for the plaid shirt. I mean, you’ve a reason to celebrate, so look like it. And for the music and candles, just make her feel welcome.” “Oh I think she knows she is…”

Beca decided to listen to Stacey’s advice cause she felt like given the taller girl’s experience, she definitely could rely on her. Which gave her some extra grip on tonight’s dinner and she certainly could use that. Nevertheless she didn’t chose a dress since she only owned three and none of them sat comfortably. A nice skirt and blazer where close enough, she decided. Furthermore she’d spent extra care on her make-up and exaggerated her eyeliner slightly more than usual. She figured Clarke might like that.

At 5:30 all her preparations were done and she nervously took place on her sofa, desperately trying to concentrate on the television, which wasn’t working at all and she found herself staring at the clock, just watching the time pass till she would be reunited with Clarke. Twenty minutes later she couldn’t hold it anymore and lit up the candles, dimmed the lights – but not too much, started the playlist and once again checked on her food. It was still 8 minutes to 6 and she was starting to fear that Clarke wouldn’t show up. Not being able to do anything else Beca just stood in front of her window, tapping on the sill, waiting for the bell to ring. With every car that arrived her heart lit up, hoping it was Clarke, but every time the passenger – not being Clarke – got out, her heart sank deeper and deeper into her stomach. At 6:09 she checked her phone to see whether she’d texted her… nothing. At 6:21 she left her waiting spot, breathing heavily to avoid crying. At 6:35 she buried her last bit of hope and blew out the candles while wiping away one single tear of weakness. At 6:42 she remembered there was a fish in the oven and went over to her kitchen to throw it away. At 6:45 she crawled into bed, not even thinking about changing her clothes. At 6:46 she burst into tears, trying to hide from the world under her blanket.

At 7:14 the doorbell rang, at least it sounded like that, but Beca was sobbing so loudly she figured it must’ve been a phantasm. A trick of her mind to make her feel more comfortable, to soften her pain and lessen the sense of shame for exposing herself to a stranger. She was way madder at herself than she was at Clarke. She couldn’t possibly blame Clarke for finding something more interesting to do – something so interesting she’d even forgotten to cancel their plans. But she could blame herself for being surprised by it.

Though frustrated for even considering the possibility, knowing she would be disappointed once again, Beca tried to stop crying to check whether there was a second ring. Which of course didn’t happen.

At least, not until 10:50 when she was woken by someone who was repeatedly ringing at her doorbell. Ignoring it by crawling deeper under her sheets, Beca wondered whether it were her neighbor’s kids again and what she could do to make them stop. Eventually they must’ve gotten tired of their own joke and the silence returned to her apartment.

Not the sleep though. As she spent the rest of the night tossing and turning and sobbing, Beca knew she wouldn’t be so naïve anymore. Her walls were back, thicker and stiffer than before. It might’ve taken several months to let her guard down, but it only took a few hours to have it back up.


	7. Where you been

While she was trying to look presentable – which was giving her an awful lot of trouble – Beca wondered how it was possible to be so broken by a girl she’d only seen twice. Extremely disappointed in her own weakness, she was brushing her teeth as her phone rang. Irritated for being disturbed this early, she quickly spit out the tooth paste and picked up her phone. It was Emily. Great, as if she could handle her enthusiasm now.

“Ha Beca, thank god you answered your phone!” “Emily, why are –,” “Clarke called me”, “Wait, what?” Beca was perplexed. She didn’t know whether it was because of her lack of sleep, but this seemed to make no sense. They didn’t even know each other. And then why was she calling Beca? To tell her that she was cool enough for Clarke’s attention?

“Yeah at 3 a.m.”, sure let’s make it even weirder… “apparently – well she was pretty wasted so I couldn’t exactly understand everything she said and –,” “Just tell me what you did make out of it!” “Oh right, sorry, ehm well someone had stolen her purse, so she went to the police station, but by the time she got there it was already past 6”, “Oh my God” Beca stumbled, poor Clarke… “Yeah she said you were supposed to meet up. But without phone she couldn’t reach you”, “and without money she couldn’t get here”, Beca whispered, finally understanding what had happened the night before. “Well she came, but she said she was way too late and you weren’t home anymore.” “Oh crap… I was home, I feel like such a dick now...” oh and how. She looked at her own face in the mirror which looked like a complete mess thanks to a night of crying and not sleeping, and felt deeply ashamed. She’d reacted so immature, damn. But then she realized: “Emily, how did Clarke get your number?” “Well after she’d emptied the mini bar she remembered she knew her mom’s number. So she took the hotel’s phone and woke her up to ask for Benji’s number, they were neighbors you know, and then she called him.” “And this all happened at 3 a.m.?” “Yep, I thought I wouldn’t bother you overnight, but Clarke made me swear to call you as soon as I woke up. So that’s what I did.” “You’re an angel Emily, you know that?” “Nah, but hey, you and Clarke ha?” well, Beca felt like she owed her this much so she told her about their ‘fling’.

After last night Beca hadn’t thought it was still possible but she felt so sorry for Clarke. No phone, no money and – thanks to Beca’s stubborn behavior – no friends in a new city, it sounded worse than going through hell. She needed to make things right. She needed to apologize. Though for the moment she was sticking to her decision to keep some distance until she knew for sure Clarke’s intentions were the same as hers, since she never again wanted to experience such a horrible night. But the fact that she’d called Emily in the middle of the night trying to reach her…

Beca was on her way to Clarke’s hotel, she’d just called her work to tell an emergency had showed up, and they’d in fact reacted way more understandable than she’d expected. Which was a good sign for the rest of the day, right? Once again Beca was stressing out, she still looked horrible, she had no reasonable explanation for not opening her door the day before and she wasn’t even sure Clarke would want to see her. Nevertheless, she felt like she had no choice. It was time she regained control over this whole situation and going to Clarke’s hotel room was a first step.


	8. Sorry

As she stood in front of Clarke’s door, there was nothing Beca wanted to do more than turn around and head back to her apartment. She was so not ready for the upcoming conversation. But it was already too late, the receptionist had warned Clarke someone was coming, so Beca took a deep breath and knocked.

“Wait a second”, it sounded more like a growl than an actual sentence and she wondered whether Clarke might look even worse than she did. But then she reminded herself how incredibly hot Clarke Griffin was, and with a smirk on her face she concluded that it wouldn’t be the case. At that moment the door opened. Standing there smiling, Beca felt a bit silly, certainly since Clarke wasn’t smiling at all. She looked way too hungover for happiness.

“I bought you breakfast”, said Beca as she showed Clarke the bag with croissants and the coffees she had bought, “so may I come in?” Clarke took a step aside to let her in, “Woah Beca, you didn’t have to do that”, confused she added: “I wasn’t even expecting you.” “How could I not come after Emily’s phone call?” As she plumbed down on her bed and suggested Beca to do the same since there weren’t any free chairs in her room, Clarke took a bite of a croissant. “Damn, those are really good.” Glad she liked it, Beca couldn’t help herself but smile again. So far so good. “Sorry for the mess by the way. Last night was ehm… kind of tough.” Beca wanted to say she didn’t have to apologize, but she couldn’t deny it, her room was a dump. There were clothes and boxes everywhere, not to say anything about the empty bottles. “Well, I can’t blame you”, Beca said, staring at the floor, “and I feel like I owe you an apology as well. Cause I… gosh I feel so stupid now”, Clarke took her hand and squeezed it, as to reassure her that she could say whatever she wanted to. “Pff the thing is, I was home, I just… had gone to bed”, she looked back up, into Clarke’s eyes, where she saw a sign of understanding, “and I wasn’t sure whether I had imagined the ringing or not.” She felt tears welling up in her eyes again, “I just feel so guilty that you like –“, “Went back to the hotel and got wasted?” asked Clarke with a wink. “Exactly.” “Well if we’re being totally honest with each other, I didn’t went back straight away.”

Clarke stood up and walked to the window – stepping carefully over a dozen boxes in the process – before she continued: “You see, I had those wine bottles with me, so I figured I could as well drink them,” Clarke’s voice wavered, “Alone, on a bench. I know classy.” Beca laughed, this was like really sad and funny at the same time. “While I was halfway through the second bottle, a man came by and offered me some more drinks if I accompanied him to that bar down street. Which of course I did, cause you know more booze sounded like the best thing that could happen to me. After a few beers though the guy must’ve realized I wasn’t exactly into him and he started looking for someone else. So I left the bar and went back to your apartment.” “Oh no, you were the one that woke me?” Clarke looked guilty, “and didn’t stop for like two minutes? Right that was me.” Beca got up and crossed the two meters towards the window, forcing Clarke to look at her. With their noses almost toughing she whispered: “I’m so, so sorry for not letting you in.” Clarke stared deeply into her eyes: “It’s okay, I’m sorry too.” A warm feeling went through Beca’s veins, all the sudden she didn’t feel so bad anymore. She coughed and tore her eyes from Clarke’s perfect face, “Anyway, shall we go find you an apartment then?” she’d surprised herself by hearing those words come out of her mouth and Clarke looked stunned as well: “Do you really want to accompany me on that –,” “epic journey?” Beca said smiling, she was totally going for it now “only if you want to of course.” “I would love nothing more”, trying to hide her pink cheeks, Beca took up what she thought looked like a decent outfit and handed it over to Clarke: “Well then, why don’t you go take a shower and we can leave this chaos.” “Oh first you make me embarrass myself and now you’re insulting me? Seriously, so glad we met Beca”, and with a broad smirk on her face Clarke disappeared into the bathroom.

Two episodes of _Faking it_ later, a freshly washed Clarke reopened the door. Feeling busted, Beca quickly turned off the television, but hey it wasn’t her fault she’d been watching this crappy show, there had been nothing else to do. She turned to face Clarke, well that shower had clearly been a great idea, she looked way less hungover. And damn that cleavage. Beca coughed again, gosh she really didn’t know how to act around this girl, “So ready?”

On their way to the second apartment Clarke had made an appointment with, they passed an Apple store. “Oh come, let’s buy you a new phone!” Beca shouted and she was already towing her inside. “But my new credit card hasn’t arrived yet”, Clarke objected. “No problem, let me advance it”, as she saw Clarke was about to protest, she quickly added: “Come on Clarke, you know you can’t survive without a phone.” She could see Clarke knew she was right, “Don’t be stubborn dude, just let me do this small thing to make up for yesterday.” Clarke sighted, “Okay then, but only if you promise me to let me pay you dinner once I’ve my new card.” “Awesome, now let’s go find you a new iPhone!”

Three apartments and one signed contract later, they were sitting in a coffee shop and laughing about how Clarke managed to stay alive in Afghanistan but barely could survive one day in L.A. “Well you see, people tend to be way friendlier when you’re surrounded by twenty armed soldiers.”

Two weeks had passed since they’d last seen each other. Clarke had been so caught up in work and setting in that she’d had no time to see Beca. But they’d been texting. A lot. So Beca didn’t feel left out. In fact, she was happier than she’d been in a really long time.

Out of the blue her doorbell rang. It was 6.30 on a Friday night and Beca had only ten minutes ago arrived home from work. She hoped it was Clarke. But then she reminded herself not to get her hopes up. Nevertheless it was Clarke. As she opened the door, Beca had to use all her self-control to keep herself from squealing. This was an unexpected visit. “So what do you say, ready for that dinner I’d promised you?” asked Clarke with a smile so broad, Beca couldn’t have resisted even if she wanted to, which of course she didn’t. So she just said “Sure”, grabbed her coat and was already in the hallway before Clarke had even entered her apartment. “Ehm Beca?” “Yeah?” she looked over her shoulder so she could face Clarke, searching for the reason of her giggles. “Well, you might want to put some shoes on.” Beca felt her blood raise to her face, she was making such a fool of herself. Clarke was probably already regretting showing up. Ashamed she mumbled “Just one sec”, and disappeared back into her apartment. When she came back, Clarke was still laughing. “Oh you, just shut up!”

Clarke had chosen a quiet restaurant with a roof terrace nearby the ocean. As they were catching up on the past weeks, the sun was slightly setting down. Staring over the water and into Clarke’s innocent blue eyes, her wall was slowly breaking down. And by the way Clarke looked at her when she was telling a story or when she was trying to elegantly eat her ribs – yeah that  hopelessly failed – she was almost certain Clarke too was feeling the butterflies. But that didn’t make things easier though. Quite the opposite. As soon as Beca had drown the conclusion that Clarke might like her as well, she’d felt like she could throw up. It totally stressed her out, knowing that maybe, maybe not Clarke was about to make a move. She desperately hoped she would, cause otherwise she’d had to take the next step herself. And that was way too scary. The later it became, the less certain Beca was about Clarke’s feelings, maybe she had been misreading her all along. But on the other hand, she couldn’t blame Clarke for not taking the first step if she wasn’t willing to do that herself.

By the time the waiter came to tell them they’d to leave because they were about to close, Beca was a little disappointed in herself for being such a coward. Though when Clarke started walking back to the car, Beca pulled her arm, she wanted to stall this evening just a little longer: “Wait, why don’t we go make a little walk on the beach?” oh this must sound way too cheesy, “I mean it’s still really hot and I thought you maybe wanted to –,” suddenly her rambling was interrupted by Clarke’s soft lips. Surprised by this abrupt turn of events, Beca first held back a little. Though once she fully realized what was happening, she intertwined her hands with Clarke’s hair and kissed her back with all the tenderness she got. As she felt Clarke hands swiftly move over her body, Beca just knew kissing Clarke was the best thing in the whole world. She never wanted it to stop. And by the way Clarke’s tongue was moving, she was pretty sure she agreed. Beca was so overwhelmed she was glad her lips were occupied cause she doubted whether she’d still be able to speak.


	9. Time flies

Not wanting to rush things, Beca had decided not to call Clarke the next day. But yeah of course she couldn’t think about anything but the feeling of Clarke’s lips against hers and around 2 a.m. she gave up. “Hey Beca!” she could almost hear Clarke smile as she picked up her phone within like two seconds. Never before had anyone answered her phone call faster, it was almost as if Clarke had been waiting for it. This encouraged her to say “So had a blast of a time last night, thought you might want to hang out tonight? Not wanting to impose or anything, it’s just I –,” “I would love nothing more!” “Second chance for a homemade Beca Mitchell-dinner?” “I’ll not waste this one.”

Just like last time Beca’s dinner preparations were ready way on beforehand, but unlike last time Clarke arrived on time. In fact she was even ten minutes early. Seemed like Beca wasn’t the only one who couldn’t wait to spend more time together. As she opened the door she was perplexed, Clarke’s appearance immediately took her breath away. For at least five full seconds she stood there baffled, staring at her beautiful body in this nice black dress, before she blushingly stepped aside so Clarke could come in. Mad at herself for making every situation impossibly awkward, she said: “Welcome to my humble apartment miss Griffin.” Which luckily enough made Clarke laugh, “Good evening Beca, glad to finally make it inside.” Beca just rolled her eyes and led her to her living room annex kitchen.

“Oh it already smells wonderful in here”, “Not as wonderful as you look”, she blurted out without thinking, but since Clarke was the most awesome person alive, she didn’t laugh at her but instead said: “You don’t look that bad yourself.” Beca knew there was only one way to properly respond to a comment like that, so she stood on her toes and pressed her lips softly against Clarke’s. Only now realizing how much she’d missed this taste the past 16 hours. Her hands went through Clarke’s hair as she caressed Beca’s face, and she knew: she could get used to this.

As the evening came to an end they were cuddling in the sofa, enjoying their last glass of wine and more even each other’s company. Beca noticed Clarke’s eyes were scanning the room, “You search something?” “Well no”, she said while clearly trying to repress a yawn, “I was just deciding that I wouldn’t mind spending more time in this room.” Beca smiled and pressed a kiss on Clarke’s lips. “I wouldn’t mind that either.”

The next five weeks Beca felt like she was living in a dream, or better even, a fairytale. She had spent almost every evening at Clarke’s home or vice versa and they’d done so many exciting things Beca literally couldn’t believe this was all happening to her. She’d been certain she’d had that once-in-a-lifetime chance on romance with Chloe and she hadn’t been expecting anyone like Clarke to come around. Not that she would complain about it. Not in a thousand years. With Clarke, it all just came so naturally, even sex. With Clarke, she felt like she could lose her armor cause somehow she knew Clarke would never hurt her and would be there to protect her against people who might.

* * *

 

“So ehm Raven called this afternoon,” Beca looked up from the kitchen counter where she was chopping vegetables for the spaghetti as Clarke was setting the table. She was surprised Clarke mentioned this phone call, she dialed her friends all the time. And it was not like she was interested in the amazing life of Miss Perfect AKA Raven Reyes. Why had she even remembered her last name? “She is coming over next weekend and well, she’s dying to meet you.”

“Oh.”

“Come on Beca, we’ve to get to know each other’s friends sooner or later.” Clarke had walked up behind Beca and wrapped her arms around her, forcing her to drop the knife. Beca groaned, “Sure you want your friends to meet the first friend you make in L.A.?” “So we’re just friends ha?” Clarke started kissing Beca’s neck, which made her shiver and as her lips reached Beca’s ear she quietly asked: “Is this what all your friends do to you?” Beca couldn’t help but moan, this girl knew which game she was playing. But she wasn’t letting her win that easily. She forced Clarke to loosen her grip so she could turn around and start her own offensive. Beca softly pressed a kiss on Clarke’s collar bone and let one hand slip under her shirt, finding its way towards her breasts, which made Clarke shudder a little. As she softly squeezed her boob Beca whispered: “No this is definitely not what I do with my friends.”  While Clarke’s hands were tickly moving downwards on Beca’s back, she said with a mischievous smile: “So we’re not friends then?” Beca felt her cheeks turn red, “You know what we are”, she growled. With her left hand swiftly unbuckling Beca’s belt, Clarke brought her mouth to Beca’s ear and whispered: “But I would like you to say it.” She could feel Clarke’s hand in her panties now and a warm feeling spread between her legs, all she could do in response was pull Clarke closer and sigh. Her mouth searched her way back to Clarke’s as the blonde’s fingers found their way inside.

Then all the sudden Clarke paused, “say it Beca”, and she pressed another wet kiss on her lips. “Gosh Clarke, you can’t tease me like that”, she moaned but she saw Clarke’s smirk and they both knew she had lost this discussion. “Fine,’ she sighed “you’re my girlfriend and… you can tell Raven I’ll be there next week.” Clarke’s hole face started glowing and she winked, “That’s all I needed to hear.” Damn. Clarke had obviously already discovered all of her weak spots.


	10. Raven

Beca woke up in the middle of the night, screaming and with her pillow soaked with tears. She’d had the same nightmare a million times before, the nightmare in which she relived Chloe’s dead. During the years, she’d played every single character in that same scenario. Sometimes she was herself, arriving too late to save her. Sometimes she was someone living in that street, looking outside the window, helplessly witnessing the hit-and-run. Sometimes, like tonight, she was the driver. Those always hit her the hardest. Every time it felt like losing Chloe all over again. And if she’d been the one behind the steering wheel, she couldn’t help but feel guilty the rest of the day. Like she didn’t blame herself enough already.

This was exactly the reason why she always refused to spend the night with Clarke. Every time she asked her, Beca came up with a different excuse and she could see Clarke didn’t like it. But it was not like she didn’t want to. In fact she longed to fall asleep in Clarke’s arms, to wake up by a kiss of her perfect lips, to cuddle until the alarm clock rang for the third time and they really had to get up… In her mind she did all those things, but in real life Beca wasn’t able to pull them off. Because of the nightmares she was afraid she would wake Clarke up in the middle of the night. She was scared that Clarke would see how vulnerable she still was. And it wasn’t only that, she would feel like she was betraying Clarke. Dreaming over your ex while sleeping next to your girlfriend, it just seemed like something you didn’t do.

Since she wouldn’t be able to catch any more sleep now, Beca got up and opened her laptop. She might as well do something useful. So she started working. This had been her defense mechanism the past five years, every time she had felt like her life was falling apart, she would escape in her work. Luckily it had shown to be a very effective one, cause she’d had a lot of these moments where she just needed to get out of her own head.

Thanks to Clarke and the butterflies she had brought with her, Beca hadn’t felt the urge to escape reality lately. Though there still were so many little things that reminded her of Chloe that she couldn’t pass a single day without wiping away some tears over Chloe. Pathetic. And she knew it.

By the time she needed to leave for work, she felt way better, that was until she looked in the mirror. The lack of sleep and the hours of crying made her face look horrible. “Great”, she groaned, “perfect timing Mitchell.” On a normal day it wouldn’t bother her too much, but today was far from normal, she was about to meet Clarke’s friend and she needed to make a good first impression. A chance she seemed to have ruined already.

A bazillion coffees later she was relieved to have reached the end of her workday. However the worst had yet to come. Clarke expected her in an hour, which gave her just enough time to change into something more sophisticated and to put on more makeup in an attempt to hide her exhaustion.

The combination of coffee and stress made that Beca’s hands were terribly shaking as she knocked on Clarke’s door. She sighed, this surely wasn’t an indication for a good night.

“There you are!” Clarke’s smile was the widest she’d ever seen and her eyes were filled with relief, looked like she wasn’t expecting her to actually show up. “Of course I am”, Beca answered and she kissed her girlfriend. She heard a cough behind Clarke and released her grip. There she was, one of the most beautiful girls Beca had ever seen. In real life even more so than in photos. Okay she wasn’t as hot as Chloe – of course, no one could top her – or as Clarke, but she definitely was extremely good looking, way better than sleepyhead Beca. Which only fueled her stress level. “Nice to meet you Beca”, “Oh eh, the pleasure is all mine”, and she blushingly reached out to shake Raven’s hand. Raven exchanged a glare with Clarke and burst out into laughter, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I know I promised not to laugh but –“, Beca wanted to sink through the floor and disappear, she hated herself for coming here, she had known she would make a fool of herself. “Oh come on Raven”, she heard Clarke say as she lay her hand on Beca’s back, “please don’t.” “You said Beca was a pro in making things unnecessary awkward, but this is just hilarious!” Beca’s cheeks turned even redder, she really needed to get out of here and never look back. “Raven!” Clarke snapped at her friend, though she seemed to have a hard time herself not to start laughing. She turned to Beca: “I hate to admit it, but Raven is right, I did tell her you are the most awkward human being ever”, she pressed a kiss on Beca’s lips and whispered, “But that’s why I love you.” Overwhelmed by everything, Raven’s presence, her laughter and now Clarke’s ‘I love you’, Beca wasn’t able to speak so instead she just sheepishly smiled. Yep, she was the most awkward person ever.

Over the course of dinner, Beca loosened up and she had to admit, Raven was good company. She even seemed genuinely interested in Beca’s job and when she found out she had produced one of her favorite songs, the roles changed for a moment and Raven was the one to stumble. But the thing is, they hadn’t much in common, so most of the time Clarke’s and Raven’s conversation went way over her head. Beca didn’t know anything about physics or politics or their old friends, so she just sat there and nodded at what she thought were the right moments, wondering what the hell she was doing there. But every time she caught her girlfriend’s glance she saw how happy her presence made her and she knew exactly why she was there. In the middle of yet another incomprehensible conversation Beca had had enough and mumbled: “Gotta go to the bathroom.”

She didn’t go there however, instead she walked to Clarke’s bedroom, where one wall was completely covered by a giant painting of Lexa. Beca sighed and thumped on the bed, she was nothing like Lexa, or Raven. Clarke might be happy for now but in the long run… Lexa had been out there to protect their country, to save people’s lives and Beca, well all she did was make music. Lexa had probably known how to blend in with Clarke’s smart Ivy League friends, she obviously wouldn’t have stuttered when first meeting Raven. On the other hand, Clarke was nothing like Chloe either. Beca didn’t know whether that was a good thing or not. Caught up in her thoughts, Beca hadn’t heard the door open, so when she felt a hand on her shoulder she jumped up. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you”, Raven said as she sat down next to Beca. “Clarke got called”, Raven said as if she was the one that needed to explain why she was there. Beca was too embarrassed to say anything. “She really did a wonderful job”, Raven said with a nod to the Lexa painting, “You know, it’s sad I never got to meet her.” Beca was startled: “You didn’t?” “Which makes I don’t really have a standard to compare you to.” “You don’t?” Raven laughed, “Fancy having a conversation with you Mitchell.” “Is it, Reyes?” They both laughed. “Seriously though, I’m really glad Clarke met you.” “You are?” Beca smirked as Raven rolled with her eyes, “I’m glad too.” “You know, she was in a really dark place before you guys met. She almost never went out and called in sick for work half of the time because she couldn’t get out of bed.” Beca had known Clarke had still been mourning over Lexa’s loss, but she hadn’t known it was this bad. “You changed that Beca, and I feel like I owe you for that, we all felt so helpless and –,” Beca felt like she was starting to blush again, “She has the same effect on me.” Raven now looked straight into her eyes – damn she really was beautiful, but she wasn’t Clarke, this was a smile Beca could handle just fine – and said: “Well then I guess I don’t have to warn you not to break her heart.” Beca nodded, “You don’t. But I wouldn’t be impressed anyway.” Even on her bad days, Beca Mitchell could be a total badass – or at least, that’s what she thought.


	11. Night Shift

Due to Clarke’s night shifts, Beca hadn’t seen her in three days when she woke up screaming after yet another Chloe nightmare. Wiping away her tears, she searched for her phone, wondering when this would ever stop. “Oh great”, she mumbled as she noticed it was only 6:04 a.m., she knew herself well enough to understand that she wouldn’t be able to catch more sleep. However, she could feel how much her body needed those extra hours and furthermore it was a Sunday, she didn’t even have to get up… Disappointed and mad at herself, Beca stepped out of the bed on her way to her laptop, when suddenly a wild thought overwhelmed her. Clarke’s shift would end within half an hour and she could imagine falling asleep next to her sexy girlfriend. Her conversation with Raven the other week had strengthened Beca’s confidence and knowing that her girlfriend had struggled a lot more than she’d ever held possible, made her belief she wouldn’t be turned off by her tears and nightmares. So instead of fleeing in work, she would flee into Clarke’s arms, somehow she smiled by that idea. With trembling hands Beca reached for her phone again and typed a message to her girlfriend.

The possibility of Clarke coming over didn’t really help Beca to fall back asleep, quite the opposite actually. Her thoughts were still being tormented by images of a death Chloe when she closed her eyes, but now doctor Clarke Griffin was there, trying to save her life. This was so confusing and upsetting that Beca gave it up and went to her laptop anyway. Not that she could be productive now, instead she decided to spend some brainless minutes on Instagram. When her phone finally vibrated, she was so relieved that she almost let her laptop fall on the floor. Of course it was an answer from Clarke – what else could it be at 6:32 on a Sunday morning – and she promised to be there in ten minutes. Beca let herself fall back into bed, wondering why she’d deserved such an amazing girlfriend.

By the time Clarke arrived Beca’s eyes were still red and her hair – well let’s not even go into that – but someone she realized that none of this would matter. They’d been dating for a while now and she was pretty sure Clarke wouldn’t run away by the sight of some tear drained eyes. “Ah you  –,” Beca started as she opened the door, “Don’t”, Clarke interrupted her and she took the little brunette in her arms. “I wished you’d called me, then I could’ve left earlier.” Beca freed herself from the hug and sighed, “Nah, I’m okay Clarke.” “Hate to break it to you, but you don’t look like you are.” “Ugh whatever”, and she dragged her girlfriend to the bedroom, “Let’s please just end the talking and go to sleep. Certainly you’re tired after a whole night of hard labor.” “Oh so we’re doing this for me?” Clarke leaned over to kiss Beca “You know, there’s nothing wrong with admitting you are not an ice cold bitch.” Beca curled up in a ball and mumbled “Just shut up, I’m trying to sleep.” After she’d gotten out of her working clothes, Clarke laid down next to Beca and wrapped her arms around her waist. “Thank you for coming”, Beca whispered. Clarke hesitated, “You know, I really want to be here for you when you need me, Beca.” Carefully Beca turned around so that she was facing Clarke now, “And I for you, I… I’m not every night like this.” Clarke wiped away Beca’s tears, “Shh, I know, I know.”

A few hours later when Beca woke up, Clarke’s arms were still wrapped around her and she couldn’t remember when was the last time that she’d felt so… calm and comforted. Cautiously, she left the bed and started to prepare some breakfast. If Clarke could be the perfect girlfriend to fall asleep with, she wanted to be the perfect one to wake up with.

“Mmm, this smells amazing!” Clarke shouted as she entered the living room in one of Beca’s plaid shirts. “Damn and I thought I looked good in those”, Beca said with a wink as she shoved a plate in Clarke’s hands. Upon taking her first bite, Clarke muttered “No seriously, I would love to wake up like this every day!” “Well, I wouldn’t mind seeing your sexy sleepy head at lunch either.” There was a long awkward pause, during which they both tried to focus as much on their food as humanly possible, until Beca blurted out: “Why don’t we just do it then? You know, move in together? My apartment is big enough and you are spending most of your time here anyway and so we could see each other even when you’ve those fucking night shifts and... eh I mean only if you want to of course?” But Clarke had already left her chair and took Beca’s face between her hands, “I love you Beca Mitchell and I want nothing more than to spend every minute of my free time with you.” “Ugh. Don’t get too sensitive please”, Beca said before kissing Clarke with so much passion that she knew she didn’t have to say the next words, but since she wasn’t always an ice cold bitch, she did it anyway: “I love you too, Clarke.”


End file.
